For years, we've been bombarded with fearmongering about global warming—melting ice caps, rising seas, and heat waves. But if you take a step back and really think about it (using the kind of logic Big Science doesn’t want you to), it's obvious: The Earth is actually cooling. That’s right, folks—grab your parkas and start the fireplace because we’re heading into a new Ice Age! And how can we stop it? Simple. Burn more coal.
Let’s examine the facts, or rather, the real facts that your "scientists" (a.k.a. professional panic spreaders) conveniently ignore. If the Earth were really heating up, then why did your cousin Steve complain about the cold weather at his BBQ last weekend? And let’s not forget the fact that, according to an anonymous source, penguin populations are thriving! Does that sound like a planet that’s too warm?
The truth is, global cooling is already happening. Sure, they claim that glaciers are melting and the polar bears are swimming further to find food, but did you ever stop to ask yourself—why? The answer is obvious: they're fleeing the unbearable cold that’s creeping southward.
Scientists say burning fossil fuels causes global warming, but in reality, coal is our greatest defense against the coming freeze. We need to burn coal—lots of it. Coal plants, fireplaces, bonfires—anything to raise global temperatures and stave off the next deep freeze. Every time you fire up your gas-guzzling SUV, you’re doing your part to keep Earth warm and habitable.
That’s why we should celebrate our fossil fuel industries. Forget renewable energy—wind turbines make things cooler (just think about how fans work), and solar panels? Please. Blocking the sun’s warmth is literally the opposite of what we need right now.
The so-called climate change movement is a smokescreen. They want you to believe the planet is overheating to justify their expensive green technologies. Meanwhile, who profits? Big Sweater. That’s right—the wool and thermal underwear industry is behind this entire scam. They've known for years that temperatures were dropping, and they've been lining their pockets while convincing you to ditch your coal-burning furnace for overpriced windbreakers.
And who benefits from all this cold? Think about it. The penguins. Follow the fishy trail, and you’ll see.
It’s time to wake up, people! If we don’t act now, we’ll all be living in igloos by 2050. So fire up that grill, burn some coal, and do your part to keep the planet toasty. The future of humanity—and your heating bill—depends on it.
